I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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