Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
