i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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