Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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