you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You need a sexual gate keeper
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
