Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
