TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
