Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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