He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
