i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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