sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
