Sry I called you an 8
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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