Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
