So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
