I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
