Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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