the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
