Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
