these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
