So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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