we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
