don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
