I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
