U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
