At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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