My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
