whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
