my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
