oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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