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Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
