you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
