I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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