nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
