Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
