I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize