This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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