yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
