So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
