Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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