What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
