My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
