Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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