We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
