We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I smell stomach acid.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
