the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he puts the penis in happiness.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
