the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
