oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Come share oat with me in your robe
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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