Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
