All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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