Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
