we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
