Nicole vs. Life
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My dick has a subreddit
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
