I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
