I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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