i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
