You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
