I think I am morally bankrupt
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize