Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
