If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
