Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
