we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
