fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
