i just made my gag reflex go away.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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