It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
