You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
