i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
