please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
