The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
