Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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